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On the subject of spooky things

So it's not cool to introduce yet another commercially-driven celebration into our increasingly materialistic consumer culture. But as a mother who accidentally allowed child to see disturbing scene from an R-rated horror flick, what's not to love about Halloween?

This is the jack-o'-lantern we made for the celebration. Some 20 somethings from nearby share house tried to steal it from the front of our house and take it to park for booze up on mouldy old couches they had dragged out into the elements. When husband went over to retrieve it they ran as soon as they saw him coming. Lulu most impressed and subsequently called her Daddy, Officer Pugh, after policeman from the famous Ahlberg book, Cops and Robbers.

These are the cupcakes we made for trick-or-treaters. Girls dressed as god-knows-what so excited when husband handed them over. They said, 'Gosh. You are the nicest dude.' Husband pretended to be wryly amused but could tell he was chuffed.

Drag me to hell

Is it wrong to allow three year old to stay up late and watch Sam Raimi's latest film, Drag me to hell? No need to answer. Obviously am terrible mother for allowing her anywhere near that film.

Did cover her eyes for most of it, though. Accidentally forgot during part when fly entered protagonist's mouth and made her vomit blood. Afterwards, Lulu held up her finger like a wise old woman and said, 'It was the fly.'

The wooden spoon

Lulu over-tired and super naughty last night. Pouring water all over table during dinner, rocking back and forth on chair and making weird noises while banging her spoon on table. Hurt my tired old Mum ears.

Very difficult to come up with creative disciplinary measures that actually work. Eventually made Lulu sit on her bed and told her that if she got off before I got back I would take all her books away. Hooray! Poor little mite did as she was told.

Later, when she had stopped crying, I told her about how my parents used to hit me with the wooden spoon, sometimes so hard that it broke in half. Lulu very concerned and asked if I ever had to go to hospital. Then said that if she was born back then she would have given me a hug and looked after me. Awwwww...

Dodgy Mum 101

Have had exceptional number of dodgy mothering moments this past week.

First off, tried to discuss parenting in honest and open fashion with my brother, who is soon-to-be-father. After ranting about how men need to be the hunters while women should stay home and mother (with mother's groups supposedly being ideal because they reenact the tribal atmosphere), brother said that anyone who listened to me discussing parenting would have an abortion.

Soon after, was told off by Lulu's rather shirty dancing teacher for being late to pick her up from dance class. Felt very guilty. Was late because having coffee with J. J had fascinating tales about her life as a gynecologist, including a couple who are having IVF because they are such busy high fliers they cannot coordinate time to have sex during fertile period. Felt a little envious that I do not have such good stories to relay.

Finally, tried to lift K's daughter, A, up onto monkey bars and accidentally hit her head on rail. A is possibly the worst child to injure in such a way as she is very delicate and wears tracksuit pants under her fairy dresses in order to avoid scraped knees. K not happy.

Thankfully, though, it is always possible in life to find someone more unhinged than oneself. Found out D went mental at park mother A because A took one week to replace W's toy rocket, which her large and ungainly son broke. D told A that her tardiness made D's week a fucking nightmare and that she had to listen to W whine about his broken rocket on a daily basis. D's partner, S, said she stood on other side of the park and pretended not to be associated with D as outburst was so embarrassing.

Weekend getaway

Spent Sunday feeding cockatoos and rosellas up at Mt Dandenong. Lulu not impressed that a giant cockatoo bit her on the finger. Me not impressed when one bit me on the thumb. P smart and avoided the bird feeding process altogether, preferring to tell small boy that his toy sword was not a mallot, but a something-or-other of which I cannot remember correct name.

Stayed at Mum's place while she was down in Melbourne. H (the dog) pissed on floor twice. Preying there will be no tell-tale signs as lied when Dad asked if he lifted his leg in house.

Must face facts. No such thing as relaxing weekend away when small child in tow, no matter how adorable she may be.

D not preggers despite injecting herself with hormones and being inseminated with donated frozen sperm in hospital. Fertility is cruel, cruel business.

I heart TV (no matter what others may say)

Got a bit too excited about new ABC non-stop kids channel. Park parents M and B became quite self-righteous about negative effects of television viewing on young person's brain. Had already gone on quite a bit about how great it is for children's shows to be on all the time and was therefore too late to back out and sound like a good, responsible mother who makes effort not to raise vegie child. Actually really like M and B, so shame they do not share my passion for 24-hour children's television programming.